For me, Forgiveness is the real F word. When I was a little girl, one Bible story that stuck with me is about Peter asking Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who has sinned against him. Jesus first replies with what would seem to be an absurd number of times — “seventy times seven” — and then He follows with a parable about forgiveness. Matthew 18:21-35.
I now know that forgiveness is a supernatural thing that is possible with the help of Holy Spirit. I have loved Jesus all my life, and Jeff for most of it. I was fourteen years old when I met him and knew that he would be my husband. He didn’t know yet. This was the beginning of an amazing God adventure that we are still sharing today. Two of the secrets making our journey possible is through God’s unconditional love and His gift of forgiveness.
Here is the hard thing, we think, “what if someone does something that is unforgivable?” In the scripture above, it doesn’t list forgivable and unforgivable things. It just says Forgive. This is not a suggestion, it’s a command. The great thing is Daddy God never asks us to do anything that He has not equipped us to do. This scripture also says that we get to forgive over and over again. There is no caveat that says to forgive someone if they deserve it or even ask for it. Forgiveness is serious business.
My husband and I have lived through one of those experiences that gives us an opportunity to share our forgiveness story. For many years my husband struggled with sex addiction, and I struggled with forgiveness. Now, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, and it also doesn’t mean agreeing, but it does mean freedom. In the above scripture, it says to forgive over and over and over again. Until this happened in our marriage, I am not sure that I understood this command. As my mind would run wild, I would have to take those thoughts captive, apply the blood of Jesus, and filter them through God’s Word so that I could forgive. Every time you remember something and it causes an emotional reaction, you have to reapply forgiveness. Forgiveness has become my immediate response. I forgive before something needs to be forgiven, but I also “trust the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding and in all my ways acknowledge Him.” Once I realized that God never meant for me to trust people, it helped take the pressure off. I am supposed to trust Him with all my heart and love people. Now, while writing this it sounds easy, but it was hard getting the “hell” out of my head and the Word in my mouth. I chose to be intentional with my thoughts and my words. I realized Daddy God has forgiven me more times than I will ever have the opportunity to forgive Jeff, or anyone else.
I remember thinking, “Lord how do you forgive and then forget?” He reminded me that I am to be like Jesus. I wondered, “Does Jesus remember hell?” Yes, I believe that He does, and even has the scars to prove it. Yet, His love for me made it worth it to Him. My love for God and others made my hell and the scars worth it. When I look at our scars, I see a future and not a past. Many years ago, Holy Spirit woke me up and showed me myself on a stage sharing with others how to fight for their family and not with their family. Forgiveness is part of the good fight of faith.
Here is another scripture that stays with me, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” Ephesians 4:32. All these forgiveness verses became so clear to me. I was equipped with the power of God to forgive. “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” Colossians 3:12-13.
Forgiveness is not for the other person as much as it is for you to be free. I must receive personal forgiveness from Daddy God so that I can set another free of their failures. I believe that most of the ground the enemy gains in a believer’s life is because of unforgiveness. We were created for relationships and this is the only place forgiveness is really needed. People we love are going to hurt us, and we are going to hurt them. The question is how will we respond when we get hurt? I have already made my mind up that I am going to forgive. It is amazing to me that whatever we’ve done, and whatever our motivation was, God forgives us. And He wants and expects us to do the same.
This need for forgiveness and the lie of shame started long ago in a Garden. Adam and Eve were unashamed until sin entered their lives and intimacy was broken. This is what unforgiveness does in our lives. It breaks intimacy with Daddy God and others. For Jeff and I, we had to let the past hurts and offenses go so that we could gain the ability to love each other as we should. We have to deal with this issue of forgiveness to have real intimacy. Forgiveness is a purifying agent for our lives and relationships. We chose not to play the shame and blame game.
Let Go! I want to encourage you today to let go of the mirror you’ve been using to look behind you. Unforgiveness causes us to live in our past rather than in our present and prevents us from moving into a better future. You have to turn off the replay in your mind and let it all go.
Choose Love! Forgiveness is a choice. Choose to love the person that has offended and hurt you. Then let your behavior and mouth reflect that choice. (It won’t be easy.) This doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship with them, but you have released forgiveness to them. Decide not to dwell on the past.
Bless Them Out! My Dad has always told me you will never meet anyone Daddy God doesn’t want to bless. Yes, even those that have hurt you. Remember, hurting people will hurt people. In Luke 6:28, Jesus shows us how to bless out those who mistreat us. This is a powerful weapon in changing wrong thoughts and negative feelings. Prayer transforms hurt into hope and criticisms into compassion. Let me also say, if you refuse to pray for someone it shows that your are failing the forgiveness test.
Do It Again! Do not bring hurt into your future. Settle in your mind and heart now that you will always forgive.
Successful relationships are possible if we follow God’s lead in love and forgiveness. When you apply these it will change the atmosphere. I believe in being a thermostat and not a thermometer. Thermostats set the atmosphere and thermometers just read atmospheres. You are an atmosphere changer with God’s love.
I am able to love my husband today because of this miraculous power of forgiveness, which is only available with help from Holy Spirit. We have been married for over twenty-five years and have two beautiful children, two amazing “in loves” (a son in law and a daughter in law), and two grandchildren, with a third on the way. I am so thankful that we chose God’s way instead of ours. We chose to not let past, pain, pride, pettiness or people stop us from our God purpose. I am praying that you will choose love and forgiveness today. Let me know your story- It matters. Here is a simple prayer that I use and wanted to share. But when I was in the thick of it, I want you to know that sometimes all I could do is whisper the name of Jesus and that was enough.
Heavenly Father, thank you for loving and forgiving me. Thank you for bringing me into a relationship with you through your Son, Jesus, and for showing me love and forgiveness in action. Help me! Holy Spirit, show me how to share the same forgiveness with others that you have shown me. Put your super on my natural. Let others see You living in me. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Allison Bramlett 