Encourage!
There is something powerful about the words we speak. Words are not just sounds or sentences we release into the air; they carry weight. They shape atmospheres. They affect hearts. They can either strengthen someone’s spirit or quietly drain the courage out of them. The word encourage literally means to put courage into. The word discourage means to remove courage from. When you understand that, it changes how you view every conversation you have. Every word you speak. Every room we walk into, every meeting we attend, every text message we send, and every correction we give is either depositing courage into someone or withdrawing it. We are either strengthening faith or draining strength. And one of the fastest ways courage leaves a room is through manipulation.
Words are spiritual containers. Proverbs reminds us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. That means our words are constantly building something or breaking something. Encouragement breathes courage into a person’s heart, while manipulation suffocates it. Encouragement builds people up; manipulation controls people in order to get outcomes.
The Bible gives us two powerful leadership pictures that show the difference.
David at Ziklag is Pressure Without Manipulation
In 1 Samuel 30, David returns to Ziklag with his men and finds devastation waiting for them. The city has been burned to the ground. Their wives, children, and families are gone. Everything they owned has been taken. The Bible says the men wept until they had no strength left to weep. Imagine the emotional exhaustion of that moment.
Then the situation becomes even heavier. Scripture says David was greatly distressed because the very men he led began talking about stoning him. The people he had fought beside, protected, and led were now blaming him for their loss. This is what leadership under pressure looks like. Grieving. Misunderstood. Exhausted. Blamed. Standing in a moment where everything feels like it is collapsing around you. Yet in the middle of all of that pressure, the Bible gives us a statement that reveals David’s heart and his leadership, “But David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.”
David strengthened himself in truth. He did not try to shift the blame. He did not spin the narrative to protect his image. He did not stir up emotion in the crowd to regain their loyalty. He did not manipulate the situation to control people. Instead, he went to God. He inquired of the Lord and asked what he should do next. And when God gave direction, David obeyed. The story ends with one of the most beautiful outcomes in Scripture: David pursued the enemy and recovered everything that had been taken. David did not pull courage out of the people around him in order to survive the moment. He received courage from God and then led from that place.
Ahab and Jezebel have Desire Without Integrity
Now contrast that with the story in 1 Kings 21. King Ahab wanted Naboth’s vineyard. It was close to his palace and seemed convenient for him to own. But Naboth refused to sell it because it was part of his family inheritance. Instead of accepting the answer with integrity, Ahab responded like a child who did not get his way. The Bible tells us that he laid down on his bed, turned his face to the wall, and refused to eat. It was emotional immaturity mixed with entitlement. (which most of us have demonstrated before in our own lives.) Then Jezebel entered the scene. Instead of encouraging him in the Lord, she encouraged him in manipulation. She got in agreement with the wrong motives. She took matters into her own hands and began to scheme. She wrote letters in Ahab’s name and used his authority falsely. She stirred up false witnesses and twisted the narrative so that Naboth would appear guilty of something he never did. She fired people up with lies until the crowd condemned him.
What began as one man’s disappointment became a wave of deception because someone fueled it. Jezebel knew how to push the right emotional buttons. She knew how to stir outrage and create urgency until people moved in a direction that was not rooted in truth.
That is one of the dangers of manipulation: we can stir the wrong things in others. We can stir anger, offense, suspicion, or division when the Lord is actually calling us to peace, patience, and truth. Ahab wanted possession. Jezebel wanted power. Together they created destruction.
And this is where we must be careful. When we begin looking at circumstances instead of looking at the Word of God, our emotions can lead us into stubbornness and rebellion. Instead of yielding to God’s truth, we start defending what we want or even what we think should happen. But God never asks us to interpret life through our circumstances. He asks us to interpret life through His Word. Circumstances will always try to speak louder than truth. They will try to convince us that frustration is justified, that control is necessary, and that manipulating outcomes is the only way forward.
But the Lord calls us to something higher. We cannot allow disappointment to make us stubborn. We cannot allow pressure to make us rebellious. We cannot allow desire to override obedience.
Scripture reminds us that rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft and stubbornness is idolatry.(1 Samuel 15:23), because it replaces God’s authority with our own. Whenever we insist on having our way instead of yielding to the Word, we step into dangerous territory.
Manipulation always distorts truth. It creates urgency that God never assigned. It stirs emotion to force outcomes. And almost always, people get hurt in the process. Most importantly, manipulation removes courage from everyone around it. It creates confusion, fear, and instability in environments that should be marked by trust.
The Difference Between David and Ahab
Both men experienced disappointment. Both wanted something. Both had influence and leadership authority.But their response revealed their character.
Another truth we see in these stories is that our response always reveals our character. Pressure does not create who we are; it exposes who we are becoming. When circumstances tighten, when disappointment hits, when we feel misunderstood or denied, what rises out of us shows what has been forming in our hearts. This is true in every relationship of our lives in how we respond to our spouse, our children, our friends, and even our coworkers. The words we speak in those moments either build courage in them or slowly drain it. A heart anchored in God will respond with humility, patience, and truth, even when emotions are high. But a heart driven by pride and insecurity often reaches for control, sharp words, silence, or manipulation. That is why David strengthened himself in the Lord before he responded. He allowed God to steady his heart so that his response flowed from faith instead of fear. Our reactions are not just momentary decisions, but they are windows into our character. And when we let the Holy Spirit shape us, even in tense or emotional moments, our responses can bring courage, clarity, and life to the people closest to us.
David strengthened himself in the Lord.
Ahab strengthened himself in control.
David inquired of God before he acted.
Ahab inspired deception to get what he wanted.
David restored everything that had been lost.
Ahab brought judgment on his household.
The difference was not the pressure they faced. The difference was integrity. Saying and doing the right thing when no one is looking or listening. Pressure does not create character. Pressure reveals it.
How Manipulation Hurts Others
Manipulation rarely announces itself loudly. In fact, it often hides behind what looks like strategy, correcting, or influence. But when we exaggerate facts, withhold information, stir emotion to sway opinions, speak from emotions, or build alliances behind the scenes, something unhealthy begins to form. When we protect our image instead of pursuing truth, we may gain temporary ground, but we quietly rob courage from the people around us. Trust begins to erode. Discouragement becomes contagious. It may secure short-term outcomes, but it produces long-term damage.
Encourage Yourself First
If David had not strengthened himself in the Lord, he might have tried to control the crowd around him. Fear often pushes leaders toward manipulation when they feel like things are falling apart or they are losing. But David chose a different path. Instead of manipulating the crowd, he managed his own heart.
There is something deeply holy about refusing to control outcomes and choosing instead to trust God. When you feel frustrated, disappointed, misunderstood, angry, denied, pressured, or threatened, the temptation is often to push, spin, or stir something to make things happen. But there are really only two options in those moments. You can encourage yourself in the Lord, or you can manipulate your environment.
Encouragement says, “God is my source. God is my defender. God is my vindicator. God is my joy. God is my peace. God is my identity.” Manipulation says, “I will make this happen. I will force this outcome. I will stir what needs stirring.” One is rooted in faith. The other is rooted in fear.
Leaders Put Courage In
Leadership, whether in the home, the church, or the workplace, is ultimately about the courage you deposit into people.
Do your words bring clarity or confusion?
Do they strengthen faith or stir insecurity?
Do people leave conversations with you feeling stronger or drained?
Do you bring joy and courage or jealousy and comparison?
David strengthened himself in the Lord before he ever tried to lead others. That is the picture of mature leadership.
Breaking Cycles
Sometimes the patterns we operate in are not intentional; they are inherited. Some of what we call personality is actually learned behavior from environments we grew up in. Some of what we call communication styles are really survival patterns formed in homes where love was conditional, silence was punishment, anger controlled the atmosphere, or guilt was used to get results.
Without realizing it, we can repeat what we experienced. But the Gospel breaks cycles. David broke cycles in his generation. Ahab continued them. The difference was who they strengthened themselves in.
Breaking Word Curses
Words carry spiritual weight, and many people are still living under sentences spoken over them years ago. Phrases like “You’ll never amount to anything,” or “You always mess things up,” or “You’re just like your father” can linger in someone’s heart far longer than we realize. Even if these words are spoken in private they are still heard by the enemy and plant seeds of death. Those words remove courage.
But if those words did not come from the Father, they do not get to define your future. God’s voice restores courage to the places where other voices drained it. Encouragement puts courage in. Word curses pull courage out. And God is restoring courage to people who have lived too long with damaged hearts.
A Final Charge
In this generation, God is raising up leaders who refuse to manipulate. He is raising up people who refuse to lie, refuse to stir division, and refuse to control outcomes through fear. He is raising up Davids, not Ahabs. People who strengthen themselves in the Lord and then build people from that place.
Because every day we face a choice. We can pass down fear or pass down faith. We can drain courage from the people around us, or we can deposit courage into their hearts.
And the Spirit of the Lord is calling us to be people who strengthen ourselves in Him first, so that when we speak, we are not taking courage out of the room, but putting it in.
Prayer
Lord, search our hearts. Expose any manipulation within us and remove the insecurity that drives control. Teach us how to strengthen ourselves in You so that we lead from Truth. Make us leaders who put courage into rooms. Make us people who speak truth, carry integrity, and build others instead of breaking them. Let us speak Truth in Love to ourselves and others. We choose encouragement over control, faith over fear, and truth over deception. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Allison Bramlett 